Consistent Inconsistency

It happened again

My life passed before my eyes Wednesday night. See what had happened was, after a brief hiatus I went back into the gym. The good thing is I have now identified the reason I always stop and start over again. If nothing else, I am at least consistent in my inconsistency. I promise I will do better not to fall back into the same patterns moving forward because nephew shows no mercy! If you need a reference, see my previous post 152 Minute Workout.

Now, I don’t know how long my recent PT (pain & torture) session was, but it was pure hell. Part of it was my fault because I had no energy since I hadn’t eaten all day. I know I had no business being there like that, but I just didn’t want to not show up yet again. I told nephew that I hadn’t eaten all day, and I told him why. (It still wasn’t a good enough reason, but it was what it was). I was thinking that he was going to take it easy on me…no such thing. I guess he was like “Whelp, let’s tap those fat reserves!”

Mind you, I wasn’t in the best mental state that day and attitude really does make or break situations. Mine was terrible! Despite my attitude I was doing all the exercises and stupid repetitions as directed. I wasn’t as vocal as the last time I started over, but my later cries of “I’ve think we’ve done enough”, “I’m good now”, “You mean I have to do what again?” weren’t nearly as bad as the thoughts going on in my head.

Inside voice

I’m about to walk right out of here and you’re going to see the back of my head

What are you looking at?

Why am I doing this?

No pain, no gain? Eff that! I’m good

Y’all about to get whatever body I show up with come my birthday

You know what? There is somebody for every body.

I’m not coming back!

I gotta figure out some other way to work out because this shit ain’t it.

Alas, I continued to push through outwardly despite the negative self-talk going on inwardly. Yet, I was still amazed that I didn’t quit even though every fiber of my being and every thought was screaming and resisting throughout this undertaking. And what an undertaking it was! I could hardly walk out of the gym. My movements were very robotic as I struggled to lift my feet to take each step. I looked crazy. And then! I stepped off the sidewalk curb onto the street. I nearly lost my life and fell down in the street.

There were people outside too and all I could think of was to get my body under control and maintain balance so that I didn’t become some viral meme. I also had the nerve to park towards the end of the lot. The further I had to walk, the more my legs wanted to give out. I wanted to lean and slide on every car for balance but again, I didn’t want to become some viral gif. But in my head, this is what I looked like

Anyway, next time nephew is escorting me to my damn car or carrying me on his back.