Alone In A Crowded Room
Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt entirely alone? You ever find yourself engaging in conversation, making eye contact, and even laughing along with the jokes or playing the games but feel so far removed from your current reality? There’s that part of you that is happy to be there with your friends, and glad to be seen but the other part of you only wants to scamper away into the safety of your own dwelling where it’s quiet and you are alone.
It’s not that you don’t love the ones you’re around but hell, there’s no place like home!
I mean, I totally get why some celebrities travel with an entourage. I can hide my social insecurities in a crowd, play along like I’m living my life out loud. When really, I prefer invisibility and unfortunately, I am not afforded that luxury since I’m sort of tall-ish. (I am nine inches taller than my shortest friend.) The Creator has such a sense of humor. Made my height above average so that you can’t help but notice me, and my social courage as small as the lint clinging in my pocket.
Despite that, I walk around with my head held high and shoulders back. I can’t let them smell fear. My face is unsmiling until spoken to for the most part. The thought in my head is, is it time to go yet? I can’t wait to get out of here!
Again, I appreciate having an entourage. Being in the mix of many, one can pretend to be the life of the party when it’s all just a facade. Back in my club days where I was most comfortable going with no less than five additional friends, if we ever got separated all they had to do was look up and know I was the place we would meet back up again. I felt like a human watchtower. But there is safety in numbers.
What? You want me to go to a strange place alone? By myself for the first time? Oh, gawd the horror! The nervous stomach! The sweaty underarms! The sleepless night! I don’t care how old I am. I really need someone to hold my hand. I would rather pull the hairs from my nether regions one by one without taking a hot shower that would help open my pores to ease the removal process than go to a new place alone!
Whatever dear reader. I am not ashamed. Also, for the record stop calling people stuck up or saying they think they’re too good for <insert phrase of your choice>. Some of us happen to be scared out of our minds and are just looking for a safe place to take cover until we can get back to our comfort zones. In the meantime, extroverts go easy on us. We admire your social skills but do respect the SoSheLi Awkward’s chill.
(I made that rhyme. I tickle me. I’m out! Peace be with you.)
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I felt like the first 4 paragraphs was talking about me. i be feeling that same exact way
Jay, hopefully there is comfort in knowing you’re not alone.