This story takes place years ago at my job in a call center. Picture it, cube land with no privacy walls, and an open floor plan. The supervisors sat on an elevated platform overlooking the entire floor. Again, open floor plan and no privacy partitions for each desk. Us worker-bees called this big open space, ‘The Floor’.
Now, I’m not an ugly woman but I’m also not a dainty girly-girl. Let’s just say my inner self is a tom-boy that much rather play football with my brothers and climb trees than play in make-up and jewelry. But I do like to dress up nice in public when going to work or out for dates and such. Pencil skirts and fitted slacks are my favorite. Anyway, one particular day in the summer I was feeling more feminine than usual and decided I would wear a pair of white linen pants with a cute cyan colored top and a pair of heels.to match the top. To avoid showing panty line in my linen pants I wore a thong as well. Like I said, I was feeling extra fem that day.
At this time, I sat in the very back row where the coffee machine was and next to me was my best work friend, D. We even share the same birthday. Now mind you, we’re both Capricorns and if you know and love a Capricorn, you know that we have healthy egos. But! We are still humble. I would like to say that we are why the term ‘humble brag’ came to be.
N-t-way. That morning I got compliments on my outfit from colleagues passing by as I walked into the building and made my way to my desk. I was in a great mood, and my smiling face reflected as such. This particular day I also had fax duty. Which meant that it was my job to periodically check the fax machine for requests that needed to be scanned and processed. (Yes, I said this was years ago! Some of you might not even know what a fax machine is).
On one particular pass, I noticed a male co-worker who was sitting on the end row catty-cornered to mine look at me a little extra long as I went back to my desk after making a trip to my desk. I didn’t really pay him any mind at the time because, well, this is a guy who referred to apostrophes as ‘high commas’. Also, my day was going great! I was looking good, and feeling fabulous. The day was flying by too.
Next thing I know it was time for lunch. So, D and I hit up our friend, T, and we three headed out to lunch. At that time, we were like the three amigos, and we always had nothing but laughs going through the day’s foolishness working in a call center.
So, at lunch, somehow D and T bring up that I was looking fresh that day and my outfit was cute. BUT as my friends they wanted to check in to see if I knew that I was getting some extra attention that day and why. I was totally clueless and thought it was just because I was so fresh and so clean.
These two jerks (I say that with love) started laughing their asses off at me and my naive-eh-tay. Damn it! I needed to know what the joke was. Evidently, they had been laughing at me all morning on the work messenger tool.
Oh
My
Gawd
Apparently, my damn white linen pants were pretty see-through on the cheeks and my behind was even more visible as the fabric moved across my skin when walking. So, it looked like I had no draws on because each time I sat down the deeper in my nethers dug my thong. (I also learned this day that a good pair of linen pants should come with better lining). I can’t tell you how many damn times I walked to that fax machines and my so-called friends ain’t say shit to me, and let me just literally show my ass all that morning!
D gonna say, “I thought you knew!” Man, I almost called him the n-word (with an a at the end) that day and I try not to use that word. I told him I thought he had my back! “Oh, I had your back aight!” he replied. T laughed so hard that she cried. No wonder some of the females on the floor side eyed me and gave me the ‘she think she cute’ look. One of them heffas could’ve sent me a damn IM and told me my ass was out! Where Was My Village?!?!?!?
Oh lordt! I was totally mortified, and D and T would not stop laughing! Well thank thee gods that my shirt was the type that had one of them stretchy waist bands that could either be pulled down or worn ruffled around the waist. Of course, I had been walking around pre-lunch break wearing it the latter. Needless to say, I pulled that blicky down to cover my behind at lunch time.
Anyway, that’s how I got my stripper’s name.
Signed yours truly,
“Cinnabunz”
