Detoxing, a Prelude

So…I’m starting a 7-day detox tomorrow. No meat, fried foods, processed foods, or refined sugars (I don’t eat a lot of that anyway). A total absence of “comfort foods” …i.e., white carbs. No wine or alcohol. Y’all pray for me.

In preparation, I had 5 Guys for lunch today. A double patty bacon burger with grilled onions, jalapenos, barbecue sauce, mustard, and a side of fries, complete with malt vinegar for dipping. I topped that off with an antipasto plate (minus the cheese) of prosciutto, spicy salami, Genoa salami, olives, and crackers. I washed all that down with two tequila cocktails. I have a 1.75L bottle of … never mind. They’re not paying me to advertise their brand. But I have a big ass bottle that I’ve been nursing since my birthday last month.

Why Detox?

Well, my digestion has been sluggish. By sluggish, I mean I’ve been constipated, and my indigestion has been horrible. I’ve been going to the bathroom, but it’s coming out like Play-Doh in the fun factory with lots of straining, complete with breathing exercises, so I don’t pop a blood vessel from bearing down. Not productive poops with what I like to call, “clean breaks”. There’s been lots of wiping, and I don’t like that. I feel yucky. Sorry if that was too much detail, but I’ll probably get more graphic in the days to come if I decide to update my progress. You have been warned.

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The other motivating factor was that two days ago, I had to lie down on my bed to zip and button my pants. I mean, my belly really must’ve gotten away from me with all my birthday behavior and having what I wanted. I just knew my waist was going to be snatched with all the shoveling and pick ax slinging I’ve been doing since our snow & ice event we had over a week ago to dig out of my long driveway. So WTH?

Oh! I measured my waist tonight. On my initial measurement, it was 39”, but I realized I was involuntarily sucking in my stomach as I looked down to read the tape. I forced myself to relax, exhale, and let my stomach rest in its natural position. 41” measured on my pink seamstress tape measure. Forty-one inches. At the end of the 7 days, I will again measure my waist after eliminating waste. (The English language is something).

Gain Through Loss

What do I hope to gain? I hope to increase my energy. I am so fatigued. I don’t know if it’s mental, or physical from a lack of regular exercise, or a combination of both. I think through this process, I’m going to stay off social media too. I mean, have you seen social media? The world is on fire with gasoline draws on! It’s too much information, disinformation, and rapid-fire postings. I need a break. It’s bad out there on the innanets. I gotta take a moment to recover for my mental health. I find myself holding my breath while scrolling or experiencing lightning bolts of anxiety shoot from my solar plexus to my stomach. It’s like that butterflies feeling on steroids. But good things are happening too, and if my algorithm won’t present them to me, I’m going to create them in the confines of my home and my circle.

I also hope to:

• Create and implement a schedule for hobbies and responsibilities
• Create, start, and stick to an exercise plan
• Increase my flexibility
• Improve my sleep
• Drink more water
• Increase my energy
• Improve focus & concentration
• Write more

So, I will make my salad that’s proven to aid digestion and waste elimination. It’s so good that I sell it to friends for $25 per gallon bag. I would share the recipe, but I don’t have a job, and I need to make some bill money. In addition to my salad, I’m going to make some cabbage soup and will also juice this week.

Y’all…

I’m going to be hung-gree! I’ll probably improve my sleep by default only because I’ll go to bed early to escape any food cravings. Ooh! I’m supposed to go to a party on Friday night. *exhale* That’s going to present a challenge. I usually have a drink to settle my nerves when I have to socialize with people outside of my core group. Oh boy…this is going to be interesting.

Anyway, let me get a shot of tequila and call it a night.

Tomorrow, we purge!

Got any detox tips, tricks, or enlightening stories? Share in the comments.